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French-American Center Newsletter

Down and Out in Montpellier. Brad's guide to finding a job.

Why are all the foreigners in Montpellier looking for a job ? I get asked advice about finding work here several times a week. It's usually students with innocent faces and optimism. I have started to tell people that if they are not staying for at least a year or aren't willing to squeeze into a mini skirt (regardless of gender) and shake it for the locals along Les Arceaux then they need'nt really bother. Just so that you can have all heartfelt advice at your disposal I have written it down here so that no one need ever ask me again.

If selling your body is not an option you are willing to consider then get in line behind the teeming masses lining the bar at the Irish pubs. If you look closely the blokes on paying side of the bar are not just your average down in the mouth punters grumbling about the cost of a pint and a packet of crisps. They have all handed in their c.v.s on previous visits and now they are all smiling pathetically at the bar staff hoping to be remembered and watching like hawks to find out if there are any new openings. Don't think you are being any different from anyone else when you accept with stoicism what seems an outrageous price for a drink because at the end of the night you are either going to be weeping uncontrollably or frothing at the mouth like a Frenchman stuck in traffic when they switch on the lights 10 minutes before closing time.

There is an upside to all this pub going, you will meet lots of people like you trying to find work in Montpellier and trying to escape disgrace or debtors prison in their home town. You will also forget your problems once you have let a few pints fill the void in your stomach left by the University restaurant tickets you hawked so you could pay for the hundreds of translated copies of your c.v. that no one is going to look at. It will also be at least your first unsteady step towards another career, one perhaps which you had not envisioned for yourself, career alcoholism. There are blessings about hitting rock bottom, it simplifies your options. This is the part where the wimps go home to mummy and daddy and those with a lot more grit consider some down and dirty options.

Option 1 : get some mangy dogs. In France the police can't put you in jail and leave your four-legged companion on the street (although four is hardly a rule when we are talking street dogs). The fact that they must make arrangements for your flea bitten companion means that they might'nt bother putting you in the clink for some minor vagrancy. Remember, the larger your unholy army of the night, the less anyone is going to mess with you. Another upside is that your new friends can help you develop burgeoning artistic talents in domains you may never have expected, such as in the piercing and tattooing arts. I think there is an 'Ecole Superior' for that here, if not there should be.

Option 2 : The T.L.A.s, that stands for three letter abbreviation and they are plenty enamoured of them here in France. There are several that are there for your benefit like the employment and accommodation finding places but lets be honest the only TLA that your going to use is the PMU and that stands for gambling. If by now you have not already spent every last bit of cash and squeezed all of your friends and written long letters of black mail to members of the family you may have to resort to asking for change around Place De La Comedie. Don't pretend it's beneath you, you have probably already been copping drinks off of friends for a while and if you're a girl you may call it something else but don't tell me you haven't noticed that the closer you pull your g-string towards your throat the more drinks mysteriously appear in front of you from swarthy looking gentlemen with arch looks.

So now you can bet your last bundle on that 3 to 1 come from behind that just can't lose. If your gambling logic turns out to be shockingly more fallible than you thought you can console yourself with all the hands on training you will receive in the martial arts. PMU also stands for bar fight and it will give you practice for the third and final option.

Option 3 : Join the Foreign Legion. I would say more about this but why would I, the upstanding gentlemen that represent this armed force are OK in my book. I don't want any trouble.

At any rate, good luck kids, I will see you at the bar.

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